I’ve been ridiculously tired lately. Like, barely go four hours without needing a nap tired. I can’t tell if it’s my diet or sleep schedule or what. Maybe it’s loneliness. It seems everyone on facebook had a great weekend with great friends before their great vacations. My weekend was like a how-to book for lonely old ladies. Went shopping for food and lamented the fact that they package everything in two person bags. Complained about the heat. Took long naps. Considered some nice clothes before deeming them too expensive. When you spend all your time alone it feels like an odyssey just to get to the store and back. You’re surrounded by people with more interesting things going on, or more importantly talking with people they know and love. Lately it’s like I’m in a pitch black room with a weak candle, just knowing that there’s so many things I can’t even see. Imagine spending all of your days achingly aware like that.

There’s this pressure of time and things to do and unhappiness that feels like a foot firmly planted on my chest. How can I lift it? I don’t even have the energy to climb a flight of subway stairs. At ten in the morning I feel like I’ve been running around all day.

There’s lots of things I could work on. But right now I need a nap.